For the first time in my life, I failed. It’s even worse to say that I had it coming for me. But I do recognize that I failed because of what I didn’t change, or do. It’s weird how I’m not really phased by this on the outside, but off course on the inside it’s killing me.
All I can do now is become better.
"Failure isn’t fatal, but failure to change might be." - John Wooden
I haven’t even touched this site for months on end until now. I just felt like I needed to rant.
Of course people make mistakes, and trust me, as someone as naive my past-self, I’ve made too many mistakes as I have grown up. I’m not going to make excuses as to why I’ve done those mistakes, but as long as I have learned from them and grown as a person.
The thing that bothers me though is that people are unforgiving and judgmental. I mean no hard feelings for those that hate me, but I feel like it’s just out-of-hand. Yes, I have hurt people in my life emotionally and may have scarred them. I accept that and I am willing to suffer everyone’s opinions of me because of what I did.
However, the brewing of hate that I’ve been receiving has come to a big, steamy, boil. I guess I have to rant it out. It’s just that no one has ever came up to me to hear my side of the story, and that’s probably because no one cares enough. Once people hear the bad things about a person, they all take those words and represent you as them. You’re now known as “the person who fucked up this person’s life” or “the asshole”. I don’t intend to clear my name to anyone that thinks of me this way. If I really wanted to, it would just make things more hectic unnecessarily.
If they didn’t care enough to confront me about it and decide to cut me off then I’m not worth defending myself to them. If you confront me, it’s not like I’m going to deny my past actions. I have grown and I will admit to those faults. I wish there are ways to repent those actions but what is done is done.